The Haunting: Confessions of a Money Thief

It’s a new year and a great time for letting go of old things, so I’m here to confess – I was a thief.

In 1970 I stole $5.

This may not seem like a great crime to you, but it has haunted me for most of my life.

I was ten-years-old at the time I committed this crime.  One day before school, I found 50 francs sitting on the kitchen counter.  (It was the equivalent of $5 as we lived in France at that time.)  I was curious about the money as I seldom saw money just lying around our house.  It was colorful and had a big bold 50 printed on it.  I wanted it.

I waited for a few minutes to see if anyone would show up and claim it.  Nobody showed up, so I reasoned it was mine and I took it.  Major mistake and life lesson in the making!

Spending the money on after-school snacks, later that day, when my mother asked me if I had seen the 50 francs, I lied and said no. Her face told me that she didn’t believe me but couldn’t prove it, so she didn’t say anything.  I could feel her pain, worry, judgment, disappointment.

The moment I took that $5 a lot more than money was lost.  I lost my integrity and a lifetime of “money issues” was born.  I was caught, tried, found guilty, shamed and thrown in jail by the same judge – me.  Imprisoned by my own guilt and shame, I locked the door and threw away the key.

I have lived with the guilt of that singular act for most of my life.  It has haunted me and has informed how I relate to money and people.  With money, it has kept me wondering if I’m worthy to have money, to hold money, to deal with money.

With people, it has made me extremely anxious, cautious and meticulous about making sure I don’t mess up my payments or underpay – least I be judged.  In fact, I believe I that for many years I unconsciously attempted to “right my wrong” by focusing more on giving than receiving – as if it would atone for my sin.  These days when I make accounting mistakes and I owe someone money, it drives me crazy – until now.

At the age of 57, admitting this flaw, this childhood mistake makes me sweat.  How will people judge me when they read this?  The truth is…it doesn’t matter.  Regardless of what people think of me, it’s time to let it go, to stop the war within and live from a different resonance.   It’s time to set the 10-year-old thief free, but how?

Once I was aware of this old tired story that was still running my life, I had a choice to either continue living from the resonance of fear and anxiety or I could embrace a different resonance. Through compassion, forgiveness and letting go of toxic judgments, I chose love. 

Twenty years ago, I did not love myself and I certainly did not love money.  Heck, I wasn’t even conscious of money and I didn’t want to deal with it, let alone be in a relationship with it.  Money seemed…complicated, slightly dirty, only for the truly wealthy and generally icky.  (Hmm, wonder why it didn’t stay around too much...)

Somewhere along the way, I discovered that not only can I love myself, I can love money.  Now, I can see and hear some of you scratching your head and saying, “What?”  “You love money???”  Yes.  When my perspective of myself changed, my perspective of money changed.  It was no longer something complicated, dirty or icky.  I started to view money as an energy, a flow.  

Fast forward several decades and through that love and respect for money, I’ve learned how to earn, save, and spend money in ways that are in alignment with my goals.  I’m also beginning to learn how to better invest and track money.  I can even see the gifts I gained from stealing that $5.

That incident made me super-conscious of how my actions impact others.  It gave me the foundation for being honest and taught me a lot about instant karma.  I learned compassion for others who struggle with money, earning, saving and personal value.

These transformations came about when I decided to be in relationship with money.  How was I being with money, and how do I want to be?  True to form, I consulted my guru, Google, and looked up the qualities that support a loving, successful relationship.  After writing down numerous words, I pushed my guru aside and sought the wisdom of my own heart.

What was I seeking in a relationship with money?  What does money want from me?  Listening to my heart brought forward qualities of honesty, respect, compassion, communication, loyalty and commitment, joy and intimacy.

Bringing loving, compassionate awareness to my relationship with money was a slow process. Not sure how this was going to unfold, I challenged my belief systems. I asked myself to expand my consciousness around money, wealth and prosperity, and since I believe that everything is related to Spirit, why not money?  I also see that all life unfolds in the context of a relationship, and if all life is relationship, then how have I been in relationship to money?  Could money not be a path to greater awakening and enlightenment? 

Looking at money as a relationship that I value, and that offers value in return, has changed my life.  While I still have moments of fear and judgments, it doesn’t rule my life.  Learning to love money is setting me free.

While I’ve come a long way in the past decade with my relationship to money and wealth, I’m not “there” yet.  (By the way, we never get there.)  I’m not an expert; I’m a work in progress, and in 2018 I’ve decided I want a deeper, more intimate and meaningful relationship with money, gratitude and wealth.  I want to understand what drives my actions and inactions around money.  I want to get to know and engage money on a whole new level and to learn why sometimes I cling to money and sometimes I spend it with abandon.

You may hear more about my money relationship over the year to come as I intend to be open, honest and vulnerable about it.  Why?  Because I don’t want to live with one iota of guilt, shame, anxiety or depression around money.  Forewarning folks, I've given myself a “get out of jail free” card and I’m coming out of that closet.  I'm coming home – and this, my friends, is true wealth, true prosperity. 

If you, too, want to establish a loving relationship with yourself, money, wealth, life and prosperity I can recommend two books: The Art of Money by Bari Tessler and Lost and Found: One Woman's Story of Losing Her Money and Finding Her Life by Geneen Roth.

Oh, about that $5?  I suspect I’ve repaid it several times over, but if not, I’m putting a check in the mail – today.  You can rest assured, I've already paid the interest on it, several times over.

Living an Honest Life

Without honesty we find ourselves feeling disgruntled, out of sorts, resentful, on edge...just like the Grinch!

“Travelers, it is late. Life’s sun is going to set. During these brief days that you have strength, be quick and spare no effort of your wings.” ~ RUMI

Recently, I’ve been asking myself “What does it mean to live an honest life?” and why is it so important?

Does it mean telling the truth, no matter what?  Am I obliged to tell the truth?  And, what is the truth?  My version of life is certainly different than yours, so whose version is correct? 

All of these questions left me spinning in my head and slightly nauseated.  Bah humbug!  It was enough to make me feel like the Grinch!

So I did what I normally do when I get stuck in my head, I got quiet, real quiet, until I could feel and hear the beating of my heart. Listening deeply into the stillness and silence, I brought the word “honest” into my awareness.  Without analyzing it, I immersed myself in the resonance of the word.

I watched.  I waited.   From the stillness and silence emerged a quiet, grounded authenticity, an unapologetic wholeness – without pretense, without need.  It was as if I was gazing into a mirror and seeing my soul reflected back to me.  This then, is my experience of honesty, of Truth, and it has been my quest – to live this wholeness, this honesty, in every aspect of my life.

Living an honest life is not, “just a good idea,” or a principle to live by, nor is it a simple man-made moral judgment.  Beyond analysis, beyond ego, beyond ideas of right or wrong, living an honest life is a powerful foundation for all our relationships with life.  Without it, we wind up feeling out of sorts, disgruntled, on edge.

Wondering what would it be like to fully engage and embody the resonance of honesty in all my interactions, I did what any (ab)normal person would do, I decided to teach a class on the topic.  Of course, not wanting to walk this tight rope alone, I invited my good friend LeAnne Kamber to join me in this adventure.

When you want to teach a class on a topic it’s important to take it for a test drive.  So we asked ourselves, “On a scale of 1-10, (10 being totally honest), how honest are we?”  Our answers started out pretty high (Hey, we’ve got this!) but as we sat with honesty and explored different life situations, we discovered that perhaps weren’t as “honest” as we thought. 

Where were we holding back?  Where did we not want to express our authentic being?  Where did we hide our truth, our pain, our passion, our realness, and with whom?  Investigating honesty from the premise that all life is relationship, we found that depending on the context, (money, love, life, relationships, etc.); our score on the honesty scale rose or fell.  Hmm… not so easy. 

Digging a little deeper, we discovered fear impacting our willingness to share our vulnerable, honest wholeness.  Fear of truly putting ourselves out there, being seen and heard, of the reaction we might get if we shared our unvarnished truth with someone. 

Our program didn’t attract too many people – only four to be precise – in part, we believe because most people think they’re already living an honest life. Think again.  Despite low enrollment, we felt the subject matter was important, so we held the class anyway. Over the length of the twelve-week course, we were amazed by the changes we saw in people! 

When we, and our students, started to bring themselves into alignment with our authenticity, our lives changed – internally and externally.  New realities formed to mirror back what was happening inside as each participant became more honest, more real.  We began to take actions from our spirit and became accountable to something far greater than we could have imagined.

It was tough, messy work.  I don’t doubt that the students will tell you that there were times they wanted to quit.  They also had to learn to not only explore their honesty, but to express it from a place of love and respect verses fear.  Too often, I find that when I'm fearful my communication comes out sounding jagged and judging .  This is not how I want to give voice to my authenticity. 

Despite the difficulties, our students persisted and according to their follow-up emails and conversations, the benefits of their dedication to living an honest life continue to unfold to this day.  How cool it that?!

Please note that we are not saying you should be honest.  What we discovered is that when honesty is perceived as a way of respecting ourselves, in any given situation, then it allows us to be more real, more authentic in all our relationships – without fear of shame or judgment.  This allows our internal "Grinch" to dissolve and opens our lives to new possibilities.

If you are interested in experiencing the benefits of living an honest life, in changing how you walk in relationship to health, wealth, love, career, vocation, Spirit and more, check out the beginning steps below. 

You may also want to investigate the programs and events on our website. Everything we offer is geared to inspire heart-centered living.  We do this by helping people engage and apply the power of honesty, awareness, intuition, energetic resonance and personal leadership in order to create more inspired, loving and prosperous lives – for themselves, their families and communities.

If this is what you seek, read on…

Foundations for Living an Honest Life

Honesty: With curiosity and compassion, ask yourself, on a scale of 1-10, how honest am I?  Notice the response.  Then ask, how honest am I with my spouse or partner, how honest am I at work, how honest am I about politics, about my addictions, my faults? Be gentle with yourself.  Fear can be a powerful stimulant but it is a poor taskmaster.

Desire:  It all starts with desire.  Is there some area of your life in which you’re longing for a better relationship?  This includes your relationship with material items as well as living beings.  For example, how is your relationship with money, your car, home, land, body, studies and your neighbors? 

Investigation: When you find what is calling for your attention, ask yourself, what is it you want or need.  Ask yourself what are you willing to give.  Relationships are not one-sided.  Ask yourself:

"How am I being in this relationship?”  “What is the overall nature of the relationship?” “Is it conflicted, absent, oppositional, blaming, loving, something else?”  If you blame the relationship on someone or something else, then you are giving a part of your power away.  Relationships, with people or objects, require your presence.

Intention:  Set a clear intention for how you want to be in relationship.  For example, I want a more active relationship with money and wealth. That will require dedication and commitment on my part.  “I intend to be fully engaged and present in my relationship with money, wealth and prosperity.”  When I live from this intention, I can already feel the prosperity in my life and experience a deep sense of humble gratitude for all that I have been given.

 Compassion:  Committing to an honest life, one where you are dedicated to respecting your voice, your authenticity, is not for the faint of heart.  Fear, shame and guilt are strong resonances to face and a little compassion for your own process goes a long way toward healing the wounds that bind us to old patterns. 

 Commitment: Our commitment to authentic living is best served by a moment-by-moment commitment. Life will bring you challenges; if you remember that being authentic and living an honest life is about respecting yourself, it’s easier to keep that commitment.

 Support:  Sometimes it helps to have a lending hand on this journey.  If we've lived a long time hiding our truth in the shadows, then it may take some practice and skill building to bring forth  clear, honest expression.  Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.  We’re all in this together – no matter what level of honesty you are living.

 Don’t put it off:  There’s a lot at stake here.  How honest you are will impact your entire life.  When we are not living an honest life, much of it is lived from the resonance of fear.  When we respect ourselves by giving voice to our truth, we are living from the resonance of love – then, let’s see what happens.

The Lost Soul

The Lost Soul: When You're Looking for Direction

Sometimes I feel lost.

In those moments, I have often asked, “what does Spirit want from me, and what do I want for myself?” 

Such an dualistic inquiry often sends me into a tailspin of searching, reaching and trying to figure out what Spirit wants from me, even as I try to figure out what I want for myself.  It’s exhausting and leads to feelings of loneliness, feeling lost, isolated and dispirited.

In a recent conversation with my friend, Fernand Poulin, we were exploring our desires.  I asked him if he ever asked himself what he wants in/for his life and also what Spirit wants from him.  His response was illuminating.  He said he asked himself “What does God want FOR me, and am I making decisions that are in alignment with that?”*

In an instant my “efforting” and exhaustion was gone.  When I asked, “What does Spirit want for me?” the response was immediate, simple, clear and elegant. The answer, “Love is your foundation.” 

What I understand that to mean is that LOVE, not as an emotion, but as the uncompromising, strong, energetic resonance of life itself, is the foundation upon which to live my life.  My personal quest then is to align my vision, thoughts, actions and prayers with the resonance of Love.  This is where I can put my focus, effort and energy.

So, Spirit wants me to base my life on LOVE?  Love is my foundation, my rock, my core, my basic resonance?  I’m down with that!

Oops.  I forgot about the alignment part.  Easier said than done. 

On a daily basis, I’m challenged with living in alignment with the resonance of Love, to embody it and to walk my talk.  The cat scratches, the dog bites, the car tires need replacing, the body aches, the rain is pouring, the bills are coming in…and on and on and on.  And these are just some of mundane aspects of living.  What’s going to happen when I’m really challenged?

To help myself, I turn to the three basic principles we adhere to in the programs we teach at WhiteWinds/FeatherStone Institute.

1.     Presence is primary.

2.     Compassion completes healing.

3.     Love is the medicine.

While I teach these principles, sometimes I need a reminder to apply them to my own life, and it helps to know that the greatest power in the universe wants this for me.

So if you want to find your way through life and to live with Love as Your Foundation, here are a few suggestions:

1.    Presence is primary:  Your presence, your engagement with life is not only needed, it’s necessary.  This is what showing up is all about.  These means you don’t put your life on hold, you stop waiting for someone or something to show up and make it better.  The quality of your presence also matters.  Most human beings, like plants and animals, tend to grow well when tended to with love, compassion and regular nurturing (meaning exercise, good food, clean water, connection with others and creative expression).  How are you tending your life?

2.    Compassion completes healing:  Compassion is built from empathy – not sympathy.  It means we deeply understand what another is feeling without pitying or feeling sorry for them. Compassion, however, is incomplete unless we also apply it to our own lives.  Too often we are kind and caring towards others but we forget that we are deserving of our own compassion. Despite the missteps we may take in life, it's important to treat ourselves kindly.  Yes, accountability is crucial to learning and moving on, and you may need to make amends for your actions, but let’s lay down the whip, learn from our mistakes and move forward.

3.    Love is the medicine:  LOVE, as the core energetic resonance of life, is not the same as emotional love.  For me, that core vibration is the ultimate “Truth in Action,” the essence of God. While it has no personal agenda, LOVE always reflects back to us where we are, or are not, in alignment with our highest calling.  If you’re not in alignment with your highest calling, become curious, allow yourself to see what is stopping the flow of LOVE in your life.  If needed, get some help in the form of feedback from an honest friend or coach.  An honest friend is worth their weight in gold!

*Side Note:  For some of us, the question of “What does Spirit/God want for me?” can be fraught with peril.  It all depends on your perspective of Spirit/God. 

Depending on your culture, religion, family and life history your perception of Spirit/God may be tinged with paradigms that are more fearful and punishing than loving and kind.

As the granddaughter of a Baptist minister, despite the kindness of the man behind the words, I heard a lot of fire and brimstone in his sermons.  Luckily for me, my mother left behind her harsh and guilt-ridden perspective of religion, and with my father’s help encouraged her children to explore and experience a variety of faiths and traditions.  This left me with a rich heritage and appreciation for the common ground I see in most religions and spiritual paths.

Depending on your cultural and religious upbringing, you may hold in your mind an image of an angry God, a remote Spirit that is more vengeful than compassionate.  If this is your experience, I encourage you to seek out a more balanced view of what life and Spirit has to offer.  In my experience there are many paths that lead to Love.  Which will you choose?

The Wisdom of a Walkabout

Everyday I go on a walkabout.

Traditionally, a walkabout is rite of passage for young, male aboriginal Australians.  Going into the wilderness, they followed the trails of their ancestors as they learned to take care of themselves and transition into manhood.  It involved ceremonial preparation, enlightenment, healing and spiritual awakening and often lasted 6 months.

My walkabout takes place on a 3.5-mile gravel road that loops and meanders around our neighborhood woodlands and farms.  Each morning I head out into nature holding the intention to be open to life – to see, hear, feel, taste and touch the world before me.

These daily walks have allow me to have a more intimate experience with life, but it has not always been that way.

My walkabouts started years ago with a desire to get some exercise and shed some excess weight – but without a conscious presence to my surroundings, I found that I quickly became bored and disenchanted with the daily routine.  Despite living in remarkably beautiful area, when I set out with the intention of just getting my exercise over and done with, life fell flat.

My father, who is a photographer, claims to have never been bored a single day in his life – and I believe him.  He’s famous for his curiosity, his ability to witness and attend to nature, to be in relationship with life.  He not only looks at life, he truly sees and honors what is before him.  In many ways, his life has been one long walkabout.

Adopting this curious outlook, I took it into my daily life.  With this new way of being, living became a rich tapestry, woven one step at a time as I explored the world from a more conscious perspective. 

I discovered that the world we live in is filled with amazing encounters – if we just stay conscious.  This is a short list of some of the things I’ve encountered:

• Trees with hearts and eyes
• Smiley faces in the forest
• A strangely petrified groundhog
• A carved-bone buffalo knife
• Wildlife: Bear, deer, fox, coyote, skunks, squirrels, raccoons, blue heron, hawks, king fisher and coyotes, snails, cicadas, ants, worms, wasps and turtles
• Scientists that travel from far parts of the world to study our plant and forest ecology.
• A field of spider webs, a nest of snakes
• A $20 bill, beer cans, bottles, McDonald’s trash, sofa, tires, condoms
• Several feet of snow, of ice and the quiet hush before a rush of wind through pine trees
• Thousands of frogs singing in the wetland and the call of cicadas
• Feathers, turtle shells, and fog rising on the river
• Lighting, thunder and hot murky sweat rolling down my face
• A connection to God, Source, the Universe.

In practicing these daily walkabouts, I received a far more precious gift than a just some exercise. 

Each day, a new gift unfolds but perhaps the greatest gift is a new way of being in the world – a way of being in conscious relationship – no matter where I am, whom I’m with or what I’m doing, life is my spiritual practice.

For those ensconced in modern life, a six-month hiatus from our daily-life to go on walkabout might be challenging, and you may not live in the wilderness, but to go on walkabout  all you really need is a little bit of consciousness.  With consciousness, you can walkabout your house, drive around the city, or travel the world  - all from a conscious perspective. So here is a way to weave it into your everyday life.

1.     Start out with a clear intention.  My walkabout intention is to see, experience and be present to whatever gifts the universe is offering today.  I actively look and listen for what the universe is showing me.

2.     Schedule time for your walkabout.  Mine is daily and it’s sacred.  This is your time to be in full, conscious relationship with the world - respect it and you respect yourself.

3.     Practice gratitude and compassion for what is showing up in your life - even for what is difficult.  For example, the trash I find along the road is now an opportunity for me to bend, stretch and contribute to a cleaner environment.

4.     Share what you have found with others.  Perhaps they too, will be inspired to go on walkabout!

Oh, and by the way…yes, you’ll get some exercise and you may even lose some of that extra baggage you carry around.

If you'd like learn more about bringing conscious awareness to everyday life please visit us at www.FeatherStoneInstitute.com

The Perils of Showing Up!

Yesterday, I showed up. 

For CrossFit. 

I had entered the dragon's lair and I thought I was going to die - right then, right there.

It started innocently enough.  After a several years of dealing with hyperparathyroidism, I was telling a friend about my concerns around how much strength and bone mass I had lost.  He's a fitness buff and a kind soul, so he suggested that I join him at his gym as his guest.

I was little leery due to past experiences at gyms, but didn't think I had much to lose.  I was wrong.

As the day came closer, I became more anxious.  I had visions of a warehouse-style gym filled with big iron bars and huge weights, and where extremely fit people were running around, jumping up and down, lifting massive weights and swinging on the bars.

I thought about canceling.  I thought about coming down with a sudden case of the flu.  I thought about asking God to call in a flood, a small tornado or some minor pestilence. (Yes, I was desperate.)

Unfortunately, I had this little problem with integrity.  Recently, I made a commitment to myself to show up fully in all areas of my life.  For me that means being present and conscious in all aspects of my life and with my commitments, spoken and a unspoken, to self, others, and Spirit.  So asking God for a minor disaster in order to get out of a commitment, well, let's just say it wasn't in alignment with the way I want to walk through life.

So back to the flu, flood, tornado and pestilence.  Since they didn't show up, I asked a key question that helps keep me on track when I get a little sideways with my desires, 

"How am I showing up?"

Life had offered me an opportunity (through my friend's offer) to deal with a concern (my strength and bones).  Was I going to show up?  I made the decision to go.

At 7 am I left our house, and by 8 am I found the gym - in a warehouse, and it was everything I feared.

There were huge weights and bars and big a metal contraption with people swinging from bars.  People were jumping up on high boxes from a stand still, lifting huge dead weights, working with kettle balls and doing a thousand pull ups (slight exaggeration).  The energy was primal and no doubt about it, these people were fit like nobody's business.

Intimidated, I stood to one side in my black yoga pants, purple tennis shoes and lavender fleece jacket.  For the first time in my life, I felt like a "prissy" girl, and I am NOT a prissy girl.  I was a tom-boy, for God's sake!  Growing up, I rode horses like a bat-out-of-hell, got thrown over fences into the pig pen (that might explain a lot), climbed trees, swung on vines and rafted the river - well, okay, so the raft sank - you get the picture.

Still, this was out of my comfort zone.  My friend was nowhere in sight, he hadn't shown up, so I pulled out my iPhone and engrossed myself in reading emails - hoping no one would notice me standing on the sidelines.  (Note to self, purple does not blend in with warehouse gray.)  Maybe I could just sneak out...?

No such luck.  The 7 am class ended and Mike, the leader, came over and asked if he could help me.  I said I was waiting for a friend, but he was late.  Mike, kind as ever, said, "why don't you go ahead an join us while you wait?"

Gulp.  "How am I showing up?"  I signed the waiver and the adventure began.

It started gently enough - rolling a small, tennis sized ball under my feet to stretch and loosen the muscles.  Then came combinations of exercises.  Mike was very helpful and scaled the exercises to my fitness level.  He made sure I had the correct posture and understood what I was doing.  Even at this minimalist level, after a one-hour class, I discovered a lot about my body.

The combination of exercises let me feel my body in new ways.  Every aching imbalance showed show itself.  I found muscles I didn't know existed, and I found out that I don't have muscles where they probably should exist...and, I survived.

I discovered I could last an hour in a primal, foreign environment and not die.  In fact, I was able to walk out of the gym under my own power.  (Something that has not always been the case in the past.)

So, today, I'm listening to my body speak as I sit on the couch, and asking myself if I'll go back.  The couch is pretty comfortable, but maybe that's the problem - it's comfortable.  From the couch, my view on life is limited.  It offers only one perspective.  If I leave the couch, things might get uncomfortable.

If I'm to fully show up in life, I'll have to leave my comfort zone.  I might feel uncomfortable.  I might not survive.  Trouble is, there's only one way to know and that way is to show up.

So, on that note, I gotta go - life is calling and I've promised to show up. There is a peril to showing up fully.  You'll have to face your shadow dragons - those things that cause fear (Fear = false evidence appearing real).  By showing up fully, your life will change.  You'll gain some things and you'll lose some things. 

Oh, and by the way, remember when I said, "What did I have to lose by going to a one-hour class?"  Turns out I had a lot to lose - I lost fear.

How cool is that?!!

With love,

Tammy

P.S. Below are four steps you can use to help you Show Up! more fully in any area of your life.

1.  Ask yourself, "Where in my life do I truly want to show up more fully?"  Examples might be, health, wealth, family, work, spirituality, creative expression, etc.

When I started to feel the aches and pains of lost muscle and bone, I asked myself how much to I really want to improve my health?  How much do I want better health? Do I want it more than that extra hour of sleep in the morning?  Do I want it more than another hour on Netflix? Do I want this more than my comfort zone?  Am I really willing to show up for this?

2.  Recognize that showing up or not showing up is your choice (responsibility), and commit to showing up fully in this area of your life.

Responsibility has a bad rap.  When you break down the word, it actually means "response ability."  Who wouldn't want the ability to respond to their own life?

Don't take out a contract on yourself, instead, use commitment.  A commitment is a form of intention without the promise and fear of "punishment" inherent in a "contract." 

Exercise your choice to fully show up, in a moment-by-moment manner.  You may not have kept your commitment in a previous moment, but this is a new moment.  A commitment is an ongoing process, not a one-time deal.

3.  Exercise a Higher Resonance:  How you show up is also a choice.  I use a daily dose of "Vitamin C," composed of courage, curiosity, and compassion, to increase my resonance.

It takes courage (heart) to go after what you truly want in a way that does not use the whip of fear.  It also takes high does of "Vitamin C."  Without courage, curiosity and compassion, I never would have stepped foot into that gym or found out that I have what it takes to pursue my desires.

Fear is a short-term, low resonance motivator.  We use it to control and manipulate behavior.  As such it can never create lasting change from a place of high resonance. Examples of different kinds of thinking behind low and high resonance are:

Low Resonance: I should go the gym because if I don't build muscle and bone strength I might fall and break a bone.

High Resonance: I want to fully show up for my health because going to the gym gives me the opportunity to improve muscle and bone strength so that I have the strength to live my dreams.

4.  When feeling challenged, face your shadow dragons by repeating steps one through three and you'll find yourself showing up fully, giving yourself the gift of living life - no matter what.

 

 

The Cry of the Wild Soul

Photo by LeAnne Kamber, 2015

Deep within each of us is a calling, a yearning for the wholeness within. 

The depth of this longing is familiar.  It's the ache in our hearts when we connect with exquisite beauty, the intimacy of a lover, our children and the boundless essence of nature.

That longing is echoed In the rain forests of Central America where there lives a bird called the Perdi - the lost soul.  From high in the mountain mists you can hear its' haunting lament as it calls out - seeking connection with its mate.  It's a lament so clear it pierces the heart of all those who listen.

Instinctively, we know this lament.  The call of the Perdi haunts me, bringing me to my knees with a depth of longing - a longing for the wholeness of heartfelt connection to source, for divinity, for Spirit.  It is a cry for the Infinite, Yahweh, Allah, God, Source, the One.

I spent most of my life searching for that connection.  Mostly, I was seeking outside myself – in relationships, careers, books, professional training programs and hobbies.  It was an endless search and a great adventure, but is was a journey that took me far outside myself. 

Eventually, in my late forties, feeling lost, alone and disconnected, I was too exhausted, confused and heart-sick to continue.  Finally my forward movement ground to a halt and I stood silent and still.   

In those first days, I felt nothing.  No sound, no sensation – only the experience of a vast aching emptiness. Eventually, I became aware that in the nothingness, something was showing up, and that something was watching me.

Like a shy, wild creature awareness came forth and it watched and waited to see how I would respond.  Would I sit quietly, allowing Spirit to come forth or would I go crashing about on another search, seeking, hunting and demanding that it appear? 

Calling in the "lost" aspects of our souls  requires a different way of being.   It requires the resonance of love that speaks to us in stillness and silence.  Waking us from our slumber, our wild soul invites us to listen and enter a state of receivership in order to bring back into wholeness that which was "lost."

Through the practice of silence, surrender and stillness, both individually and in community, I reclaim what I felt was lost and therefor experience more depth, more heart, and more connection to self, others and the divine. 

Somehow in the silence, stillness and surrender, life expands and deepens, and I find that what I was seeking was never lost; I wake up to what has always been there, and realize we are never separate from Source.

No matter how long we have turned our faces away from the sun, it still shines on us.   To experience the embrace of source, we turn our faces back toward the sun.

If you, too, seek to answer the cry of your soul, I can recommend a place to begin.  Join us at WhiteWinds-FeatherStone Institute, where our programs support the unfolding wisdom found in each wild, beating heart.

And, if you, too, have found your way home, we welcome hearing about your journey.

In service,

Tammy

Acknowledgement, Acceptance & CPR

When we are lost in the soup of our soul, there's a way inward that takes us toward healing and wholeness.

What if the way to bring about integration, or lasting change in our lives, is by fully acknowledging and accepting whatever we’re experiencing in this moment?

“Yeah, but… if I accept this situation (my weight, money, health, relationships, job, education, career) it’ll never change!” you say.

Maybe.  Maybe not.

When I first encountered this idea – I definitely wanted to reject it.   I was 27, way overweight, anxious, and uncertain about where I was going and what I was doing in life.  At that time, I was painfully shy and consumed with anxiety.  I could not even walk into a store without having a panic attack.  The people in the store might talk to me!  Then what would I do??

Yet, I was also a trained photojournalist.  If you put a camera in my hand, I became another person – one with a “passport” into other people’s lives.  Cameras and a purpose gave me the courage that allowed me to enter places I could not otherwise go.  Take away my identity, and I reverted to that painfully shy creature that wanted to stay hidden – all the while yearning for connection with others.

Looking at myself, accepting my body and the anxiety I felt – the experience of it – was difficult.  In my subconscious, I truly believed that if I accepted myself, and my situation – just as it was in that moment – it would never change and could possibly get worse!

Convinced that salvation from my discomfort was at hand if I just worked harder on my attitude, tried a new diet or whipped myself into submission – I put myself through all sorts of contortions and contractions - hoping that life would be better.  Turns out, it was a false hope.

Many of us are still living this way - beating ourselves into submission with erroneous thoughts, beliefs and judgments and then taking action from that energetic resonance.

I ask that you STOP. 

What happens if you just allow yourself to stop, look and listen and then ask, in the words of Carolos Castaneda, “Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't it is of no use.”

A “path with heart” includes acknowledgment and acceptance of what we’re experiencing in this moment.  It's inclusive - not exclusive.  Acknowledgment and acceptance allows us to exercise CPR: Compassion Presence and Reverence for whatever is up in our life.  When we implement CPR we are literally resuscitating our soul.

As you walk through your day, notice which experiences you try to change, avoid or judge.  Ask yourself, “Does this path have a heart?” and then try a little CPR and let us know how it goes.

Once we learn how to exercise acknowledgement, acceptance and soulful CPR, we can then move into action.  But that’s a story for a different day…

Until then, with love,

Tammy

Help! My Refrigerator is Possessed!

I woke up this morning and discovered my refrigerator is possessed.

No, I’m not talking about those hairy, green things that grow out of the unknown soup lurking in the back of the vegetable drawer.  I’m talking about something much more intense.

What to do???  Call in an exorcist?! !

Oh.  Wait.  I am the exorcist – also known as the cleaning lady.

So, just what does a possessed refrigerator look like?  And, how does it behave?

My refrigerator, a Whirlpool, has become a gigantic magnet – attracting all the flotsam and jetsam representing our life’s journey.  Pictures, quotes, magnets, reminders, coupons, reminder of reminders, exercise routines, phone numbers, bills, birth announcements, business cards, quotes, cartoons and post cards, (did I mention reminders?).  

Into the vortex of refrigerator magnetism, (It is a Whirlpool…), all this stuff has stuck itself to the front and sides of the fridge, creating layers of creative clutter.  Some of it has been there for years.  Yes, I said years.  I wonder why?

By the way, my dear friend LeAnne’s refrigerator is not possessed.  Its’ surface is clean, clear and smooth, a testament to her cleaning and clearing abilities.  

For me it represents the energetic possibilities in an empty canvas.  When I visit her, I get a bad case of refrigerator envy!

…so, back to the Whirlpool. First off I notice that our refrigerator is communication central.  It’s our go-to place for creating shopping lists, reminders of car maintenance, doctor’s appointments and our collection of coupons.  It holds love notes, cards and messages my husband and I leave for each other.

Second, it’s a  playground.  Plastered on one side is an old magazine advertisement from Juan Valdez coffee.  It features a photograph of mousetrap outside a mouse hole.  Rather than cheese, the trap is baited with a cup of coffee and since I love my coffee, I find this amusing and like to add other images and magnets in order to create a different visual reality.  That five seconds of creative play opens my heart and soothes my mind.

The Whirlpool has become my memory when my computer, phone, and calendar don’t seem to be “enough,” I can always count on the Whirlpool to hold those pesky, yet important reminders right in front of my face – such as a bill that is due or an upcoming colonoscopy.  Ugh. 

Our fridge also serves as a monument to life’s successes and celebrations.  Friends and family often play starring roles on the Whirlpool Wall of Fame, as well as our pets, certificates and other fun follies.

Also, according to what’s in the center of the fridge, I have a heart condition. Somehow, all that I hold sacred has made its’ way into a symbolic collage of words, heart doodles and photos.  It’s a metaphysical alter for what I hold sacred in my life, and a real reminder of what I value.

So perhaps a little possession is good for the soul. What I’m noticing is that our life's lessons are always in plain sight.  Sometimes they’re even posted on our refrigerator - if we just open ourselves to see what is right before our eyes. 

What I’ve learned from my fridge is that every day is a sacred celebration involving love, communication, connection, health, wealth and creative play.

Thanks, Whirlpool, for the reminder.

Oh, and by the way, if you need an exorcist – call LeAnne.  I’m too busy playing with my refrigerator magnets…